The difference between “kid-friendly” and “toddler-friendly”

I am heads-down in research for our next trip—arguably, to one of the most family-friendly cruises on the planet—and yet, I’m worried. (The title of my future memoir, probably.)

You see, a hotel or a cruise or a destination can be billed as super family-friendly, but what they often mean is it’s amazing for elementary school kids, not toddlers or babies. We once stayed at an incredible property…but kid’s club was only available for potty-trained kiddos, and we were so far away from that at the time. So the big draw of this property (the epic kid’s club) was off-limits to us with a then-one-year-old.

Now that my toddler is old enough for kid’s club I’m dying to go back to this resort on MV for a real review, because we really did have a wonderful time.

Or a lodge we stayed at that was, again, billed as family-friendly. Dinner didn’t start until 6:30 PM which was honestly so miserable as that’s basically bedtime for us. I tearfully begged them to let us grab something, anything, at 4 PM during their staff meal and they refused to accommodate us. This was in a remote area designed for hikers/campers, with no restaurants or grocery stores nearby and no kitchen, anyway, for us to cook in. Every night my toddler ate crackers and then had no room for real dinner, and I was so mad.

But it’s smaller stuff, too: A luxury resort that didn’t have any sand toys except to purchase; a boutique hotel that ran out of pack-n-plays so we didn’t sleep at all; a property that advertised a restaurant on site but it was actually closed for renovations. We stayed at one property with a kitchenette that stored all the knives in the bottom drawer, for goodness sake. Guess who found those? 🙃

Basic mishaps, honestly, and none are make-or-break…but they add the kind of friction that makes a trip exhausting, instead of a vacation.

Why so many places whiff on toddlers

The logistical difference between toddler-friendly and kid-friendly is so specific that you wouldn’t understand it if you weren’t in the thick of it. I don’t fault these places at all for missing the mark. I hope someday I don’t remember how hard a 6 PM dinner is for us, or how frustrating it is to not have bathrooms by the pool, or how firm our bedtime is. (To those parents who can stretch their little ones for 9 PM fireworks, I am so jealous. We are a puddle at that point!)

These inconviences are, admittedly, minor. They don’t truly ruin a trip by any means.

The problem is, these things matter so much right now in terms of our daily flow that when a property fails on these, or assumes they don’t matter—it makes a big difference in our stay. It adds juuuuust enough friction to make it “parenting in another place” instead of “vacation” when I know, and have experienced, places that actually allow me as the mom to relax. For example, the cruise we’re about to take has two different dinner seatings: 5:45 PM and 8:45 PM. If you can’t get a reservation for the first seating, good luck with a toddler!

So. Things that don’t really matter once a kid is, say, 6 or 7, matter a LOT to an under 3. Like:

• Does ground transportation have a carseat available or do I need to bring one?
• Whether or not I have to schlep a pack n’ play or is it provided?
• If there is a fridge in my room for breastmilk/formula or do I have to call and request one?
• Whether there is a sink available to wash out bottles or sippy cups
• What time breakfast and dinner services start, and how loud/chaotic the dining room is
• If the kids club is actually for toddlers or just kids
• How much baby proofing I have to do upon entering the room (can I move the furniture, for example?)
• Whether I have to request more towels
• If there’s a place to throw trash out outside my room for diaper trash so it doesn’t stink up the whole place
• The room placement to decrease evening noise, or whether or not we have to walk through an adults-only space that’s inappropriate for little ones, like a casino, to get anywhere
• General accessibility: Can I get a bathtub in my room? Are the doorways wide enough for a stroller? Do they have luggage carts and working elevators?
• Do they have extra diapers, wipes, swim diapers, etc in the gift shop?

Ahhh, holy mental load!

And what bothers me is not that these inconveniences exist, because of course travel mishaps are gonna happen! Toddlers are gonna toddle! But that properties claim that they’re kid-friendly and they’re missing an entire cohort of kids when you really look into their policies or amenities.

For example, so many properties focus on the “extras.” Character meet-and-greets or storytimes or ice cream sundaes or “movie nights under the stars.” These are great! I love special ways properties think about kiddos. But if storytime doesn’t start until 8:30 PM…they’re not thinking about toddlers. That’s what makes the difference to me in this current phase of travel, and what I wish more places paid attention to.

The basic amenities to confirm ahead of your trip

The thing is, if I know about any of these “issues”3 ahead of time, I can play defense. I already pack a million snacks but if we know that dinner doesn’t start until 6 PM, we can shift our day a little bit on the front end or with lunch to make it easier to get there. Or we often order a veggie plate and a cheese plate from the bar and that’s dinner, and then adults order room service. (This is basically why the slumberpod was invented, which I hate to tell you was really such a game-changer with traveling once I finally caved and bought one.)

Now, I usually confirm once I’ve made my reservation:

• That a pack n’ play will be sent up (if needed) or if they have bed rails to rent/use
• Restaurant opening times, and if the kitchen closes at all during the day
• Kids club details and how to register (any extra documents or gear we need? For example, at Beaches, kids need their own backpack and everything needs to be labeled, just like daycare. BIG fan of their kids club setup!)

I’ve also started prioritizing booking a completely different type of room. I am team hotel with a toddler—mostly because for the idea of doing dishes on vacation makes me want to melt—and so I tend to try for suites or the kinds of properties with small kitchen setups. It’s SO much easier when your hotel room has a table you can sit at for coloring/magna tiles/quiet time, too.

Let me know anything I’m missing that makes your life easier and gets you to relax faster. I feel like with a kid there’s so much more “work” when you arrive to a property or place before I get that “ahhh, vacation” feeling.

Thanks for being here.

Extremely instagrammable resort. Nearest bathroom to this pool area was all the way back at our room, which made for an interesting run while in the middle of potty training. (Apologies to the lovely groundskeepers for not totally making it.)

I suppose this is a slightly grumpier post than usual, but mostly because: This is the entire reason I started this blog in the first place. Travel with Toddlers was born out of this frustration. It’s a small, admittedly very privileged microcosm of how society is set up to make motherhood difficult, and motherhood of little ones especially difficult.

Is some of this my own family? Sure. Is some of this my own concept of what motherhood is, and the rules/structures I’ve created? Is this me being a bit grouchy about minor things? Oh, absolutely. But it’s also what makes people say “we’ll just wait ‘till they’re older.” I hate that! It’s my life, too.

What I’ve learned is that before I book a property I really have to call, or find a blog (hello!) that offers the kind of detailed review that outlines these random but important aspects of traveling. To the wonderful toddler moms that have gone on this cruise ahead of us and written the whole thing down and/or filmed the tiniest details, I salute you.

To passing on alllllll the toddler tips,

Kayla

If you liked this post, please consider supporting my work. I’m just a mom in the thick of the toddler years trying to create core memories for our whole family while minimizing meltdowns—I sincerely hope this helps you do the same. 

This post was originally published on Travel with Toddlers. Subscribe for more real-talk travel advice, toddler-friendly itineraries, and tried-and-true gear recommendations.

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